A Killer Talk screenplay

Daniel Brizuela                                                                                                                                  3/7/12

The Killer Talk screenplay.

1          EXT. BREAKFAST CAFE- 11 A.M.                                                                                          1

TWO suit dressed men, one with a brown tie and a suitcase and the other with a red tie and thin glasses, were walking and talking outside a breakfast cafe.

BROWN TIE

Did the boss give you a job today, Joe?

JOE

Oh yeah. It’s very messy! What about you?

BROWN TIE

Yep! But it feels too easy.

JOE

What do you mean, Harry? All you have to do is strangle to death a guy that owed the boss money. I on the other hand have to make my guy suffer so much before I kill him. What’s worse, I don’t know how I’m going to kill him.

            Joe grabbed the door to the café.

HARRY

How about cutting the guy’s toes off and then have in choke on them?

JOE

Maybe!

            Just as Joe was opening the door, Harry stopped him immediately.

HARRY

When we’re in here we’ll use code words in case someone hears us. Got it?

JOE

Which ones?

HARRY

Movies!

            They enter the café.

2          INT. BREAKFAST CAFE- CONTINUED                                                                                 2

            HARRY and JOE found a table to seat in and sat facing each other.

JOE

So, what do you have?

HARRY

How about a Batman Returns?

JOE

There’s no torture in there.

HARRY

Casablanca?

JOE

Max has my cement mixer.

HARRY

Maybe you could do a Glory?

JOE

I lost my chainsaw on the last Glory.

A few minutes after entering the café, a waitress went to their table and asked what they would like to have for breakfast.

JOE

I’ll just have coffee.

WAITRESS

What about you?

HARRY

I’ll have French toast and apple cider. Also some cream.

WAITRESS

Got it! You’re orders will be here in two minutes.

            The waitress left with the orders written down.

HARRY

So, what do you think?

JOE

I don’t know. It’s your breakfast.

HARRY

Not that. On the job!

JOE

Oh. Yeah! That’s tough.

HARRY

How about a Revenge of the Sith?

JOE

That needs to be in a jungle.

Just then Harry and Joe’s good friends Helen, who works for a different business and used to date Harry, and Slater, who was retired from the same business as Harry and Joe but occasionally takes parts in some “jobs” and is Harry’s neighbor, enter the café and sit with Joe and Harry.

HELEN

So, what’s wrong with Joe today?

JOE

He can’t figure out how to get this guy. Our boss wants him to torture him good, but he’s stumped. We’re using films as codes.

SLATER

See, that’s the problem with you guys. You let your jobs control your life. That’s why I retired early and lead a simple life.

HARRY

You come into my home and eat my food!

SLATER

You said I could.

HARRY

I said as neighbors we borrow from each other. Not mooch from each other!

JOE

Hey, hey, I’m the one with the problem here!

HELEN

You got that right.

JOE

What the heck does that mean?

HELEN

Hey at least you’re not dating someone you’re supposed to, you know.

HARRY

You mean Kevin Loody, the used car salesman who likes to head butt people? Weren’t you supposed to pull a Cars on him, two months ago?

HELEN

Yeah, so!

JOE

What if you’re boss finds out?

HELEN

Oh, Mr. Keeterman found out yesterday.

JOE, SLATER, HARRY (in unison)

And?

HELEN

He gave me a talk about his time once in Guatemala of how he once made a man eat a pound of bread, and then after that I just ignored him.

JOE

Maybe we can trade?

HELEN

Sorry, I don’t think he’s you’re type.

            In entered two uniformed police officers. Slater looked terrified.

HARRY

What’s wrong with you?

SLATER

You know my friend Rob Halamano?

HARRY

Ah, yes. Our favorite party themed serial killer nicknamed Gacy’s Brother.

HELEN

What’s wrong with him?

SLATER

He almost got caught. He was about to abduct his next victim when all of a sudden he tripped and he’s memorabilia of his victims fell to the ground. A police officer saw them and recognized the victims; next thing you know Rob kills the officer, but gets identified by his would be victim. Now he’s in my apartment until the whole thing is forgotten.

JOE

That’s a nice story. But you know what?

SLATER

What?

JOE (angry and yelling)

It’s not helping me!

HELEN

Fine, you want help. How about a Toy Story 2?

JOE

Can’t do it?

HELEN

Why?

JOE

I’m not allowed within ten feet of Canada.

HARRY

He pulled a Cavalcade near the CN Tower.

SLATER

You could do a Bambi?

JOE

Whoa. That’s like if you want to be charged of a war crime on purpose.

HARRY

You know what? How about we meet here tomorrow and hear how Joe did it with whatever he came up with? Agreed?

JOE, HELEN, SLATER (in unison)

Fine!

3          INT. BREAKFAST CAFE- THE NEXT DAY                                                                             3

            HARRY WAS sitting in the same table as the day before waiting for Helen, Slater, and Joe to arrive. The same waitress from yesterday appeared to take his order.

HARRY

The same thing as yesterday, thank you. Although, without the cream.

WAITRESS

Coming right up!

            Just as the waitress left, Helen entered with what looked like shopping bags.

HELEN

Hey!

HARRY

You go shopping just now?

HELEN

No I finally did it.

HARRY

You finally did Cars on him?

HELEN

Yup!

HARRY

What made you finally do it? Was he cheating on you? Head butt you?

HELEN

I finally got tired of him.

            In entered Joe with a scratch on his cheek and his arm in a cast.

HELEN

What happened to you?

JOE

I did it. I finally found a way to get him?

HARRY

And all that is from the job?

JOE

He was struggling.

HELEN

What you do a 1776, or maybe a Love Story?

HARRY

Don’t be silly, he obviously used Rocky III or A New Hope, right?

JOE

Neither. You see as he was struggling I was thinking of something as gruesome as The Lion King. But at the last minute I pulled a Hostel.

HELEN

You got all that from doing a Hostel?

JOE

So what?

HARRY

It’s like one of the easiest things to do and yet you got all bandaged up from it.

JOE

Did I mention I lost the kitchen knife I was using? Unless it fell out of the window during the struggle as it was in the third floor of a hotel, The Marisol.

HARRY

That’s why you had to change it?

JOE

Yeah.

            In entered Slater with a confused look.

HELEN

What’s with you?

SLATER

Rob’s dead.

HARRY

What happened? Did the cops get him?

SLATER

No. He was outside last night taking his usual night walk. I was with him making sure that no cops were around. Then we get to this nice looking hotel, called The Marisol.

HELEN

We were just talking about that hotel. That’s where Joe got his victim.

SLATER

Really, well anyway I had to stop to tie my shoes. Rob was walking slowly waiting for me to finish when all of a sudden a knife fell out of nowhere and stabbed him right in the head.

            Helen, Joe, and Harry look at each other in shocked eyes.

HARRY (in a guilty like voice)

Really!

SLATER

The next thing I know is people are screaming and the cops arrive and identify him, I got out there before they could ask me anything. I tell you I’ve seen crazy stuff but that takes the cake. Do you guys know anything about that? Joe you where there did you see anything?

JOE (in a guilty voice)

My guy was in the uh, kitchen. I pulled a Disney’s Pinocchio.

SLATER

Whoa, we got a real killer here. Well I guess it’s just one of those things that just happen I guess.

            Helen, Joe, and Harry laugh like they’re trying to hide something.

End.